(no subject)

[frelling_tralk]

What is the preferred LJ etiquette for behaviour in someone elses LJ?


If you were discussing a show or fandom in your LJ, and a friend of yours confronted another friend of yours for their comments in said post, how would you respond? Would you feel that they were disrespecting your personal space, or do you consider your fandom posts to be akin to a message board, and hope that people feel free to confront other fans in a discussion that you are "hosting"


If any of that makes sense *frowns*

Comments

[ellyfanfic.livejournal.com]

I don't put up with fighting on my LJ. It's my space, not a public board. If people squabble, I tell them to knock it off.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

Cool, thanks! I'm just weighing up what the general consensus is *g*

[xtremeroswellia.livejournal.com]

For me, as long as no one is being attacked, I'm okay with debate in my LJ over fandom. But if someone feels like they're being attacked, or if they've asked someone to please drop it and that other person hasn't done so...well, then we're gonna have a problem. ;) But that's just me.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'm not talking about taking on a deliberately aggressive and unpleasant stance, so much us if say someone was giving their opinion on Lex, and someone else then responded to their comment to ask what they meant by that or something. Not in a mean way exactly, but definitely in terms of disagreeing/possible taking a little bit of offense. Is that sort of thing just not done on personal LJ's is I suppose what I am wondering

[medie]

I tend to treat it like a conversation in a public space, people are going to overhear and then contribute/call out things.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

:nods: I think that's my stance too. So long as everyone is being basically polite that is

[norwich36.livejournal.com]

For me it would depend a lot on context, and whether it was a debate over a specific issue or whether it had turned to a personal attack. I generally think debate is ok unless it gets into insults or ad hominem arguments.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

Oh I'm definitely not thinking of name-calling or rudeness being tolerated. But sometimes fandom debate can get quite....lively *g* So I'm wondering if other peoples LJ are considered to be not the place for it, if you have something to say about another persons views

[kristiinthedark.livejournal.com]

Debate would be fine with me, too. No to anything nasty or hateful, but yes to civilized discussion.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

So say if you really loved a character, and your friend disliked them, would you be okay with them arguing their opinion in your LJ?

[fallen-iceangel.livejournal.com]

I'd watch with a bag of popcorn. ._. I love Drama as long as I'm not really involved in it.

Besides, I'd feel like it's between the two of them so I won't interfere unless I feel the need to.

EDIT: Read some of your responses:

For Characters debates: I absolutely loath Rose. I hate her and the worse part is that it's not entirely because of her - a large part is her fans. And I have people on my Flist that like her so I try not to badmouth her too much and those Rosefans on my F-list seem to understand.

And, most often, if an arguement breaks out in one of my posts, I'm usually involved in it. ^^U I try not to friend people who take offense to every little thing (Already had to defriend someone once because of this) and don't mind a good bit of teasing/arguing as I love to do both.

But I do draw the line at personal attacks and/or unreasonable arguements/judgements (I'll call them out on that) but, thankfully, nothing like this has ever happened on my LJ (Though I have posted about it when it happens elsewhere).

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

But I do draw the line at personal attacks and/or unreasonable arguements/judgements

So if someone in your LJ made a comment about Rose fans all being 15 years old, or the Rose fan cult, and someone else confronted them over that comment, what would your response be? What you consider it inappropriate for someone to call another person out like that in your space?

[iliana-1.livejournal.com]

I don't mind discussion on my journal at all but I would hate it if feelings were hurt because I would feel responsible as I put the original post up.

As long as people are debating and not fighting then I would be cool with it.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a good policy :)

[carcassi.livejournal.com]

I think it's up to the owner of the LJ to set the rules. Personally, I'd be fine with friendly debate on my LJ, whether it's with me or between two other people who are commenting. To me, LJ's like a party where you invite your friends and hope they have a good time. If that includes a little spirited discussion, fine. But if the booze flows a little too freely and fights break out, it's time for me to step in. :)

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

Heh yes *g*

[rusty_halo.livejournal.com]

I wish LJ was more like a message board; I find its current social standards stifling. I say bring on the heated debate, but I doubt the majority would agree. The only thing I'd stop is blatant trolling/flaming.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

ITA! I think that's one of LJ's drawbacks for me. Because there's always someone in control of the space in LJ, it tends to stifle the type of discussions that message booards would have. Obviously it depended on the message board, but usually there was the attitude of heated opinions and discussion is fine, just as long as you don't take it down to the level of trolling/personal insults.. Whereas sometimes on LJ it feels like we must be careful not to say anything for or against some issues because of respect for personal LJ's

If that makes sense, I'm not feeling too articulate at the moment *sighs*

[foxy11814.livejournal.com]

I've actually had that occur on of my posts in the past. In my case, I responded to the person with the derogatory comment defusing the situation as best I could...and then I IMed the other individual privately to make sure no offense was taken and apologized. But in the case of my two friends, I knew the one who posted the comment didn't actually mean anything by it, so I took it upon myself to make sure no one else took it the wrong way either, because I did see where it could be. After all, I don't want my friends warring on my LJ, especially since they might want me to take sides.

It really depends on the situation, though, and what was said.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

You sound much more sensible at this than me! Any time something kicks off in my LJ I tend to panic and pretend it's not happening, in the past someone got offended that I didn't defend them from another friend of mine :/

[rahirah]

It would depend on how they confronted one another. If they were both being polite, and just disagreeing, I'd let them go on. If things started to get personal, I'd ask them to take it elsewhere, and freeze the thread if they didn't. Should the behavior be repeated (so far it never has, but if) I'd tell the offending party or parties that if they couldn't behave, I'd ban them if I had to.

I don't mind argument or debate, but I won't stand for people just insulting each other.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

I think that's my policy too :nods:

In the past there's been times where I probably should have frozen threads...

[tariel22.livejournal.com]

I've had two people go at it in my comments before, and it made me super uncomfortable, because I felt like I should step in and stop it, but I didn't know how, especially since neither one was talking to me. It was a Chloe/Lois thing, where neither person was going to change her mind, and it turned kind of nasty rather quickly.

My feeling is, say anything you want to me in my journal, even that you think what I posted was idiotic or whatever, because I welcome a good discussion, and I've even had people change my mind that way. Plus, I can control when to agree to disagree and let the matter drop. But when it's friend-to-friend in the comments, I think a little more diplomacy is advisable. I don't want to be put in the middle of an argument in my own journal, if that makes sense.

My rule of thumb always is, pretend this discussion is going on in my living room instead of my journal. Would you say in person what you're about to post? If not, maybe you need to rethink it.

Good question, especially in the Smallville fandom! :)

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

I've had two people go at it in my comments before, and it made me super uncomfortable, because I felt like I should step in and stop it, but I didn't know how, especially since neither one was talking to me.

I've been in a similar situation. I felt unable to speak up as their argument was with one another, and really didn't involve me at all. And I found out afterwards that one of the people was upset that I didn't step in on her behalf, so I suppose that there is a perceived responsibility if you are the owner of the LJ where it all kicks off

[legendarytobes.livejournal.com]

I had a rule for that to keep Chloe and Chlark fans from fighting with each other. The rule was for everyone to take a deep breath, log off, and come back if they could behave like grown-ups again. Of course, the corollary to that was that my guests could be as bitter about SV spoilers as they wanted.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

I just don't even know what to say about the crap that you've had to deal with lately from this two-faced fandom *massive hugs* It's a shame more people can't follow the grown-ups rule :/

And hee yes, I think being bitter at SV and A&M at various times is the one thing that all of SV fandom can agree on!

[katesutton.livejournal.com]

I consider my lj to be more of a public space, especially if I just left the post hanging out there, unlocked. Discussion is welcome, as long as people keep it civil. Not everyone feels that way, though; I've had a friend ask me to take discussion she disagreed with elsewhere. Her prerogative of course, but it was a surprise to me, given my POV.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

That's how I feel, particularly as I am mainly in it for fandom too, although I suppose I use for LJ for personal venting sometimes as well

It seems that sometimes "respect for LJ" is pulled out in order to halt discussion/avoid exposure to others opinions, which is a shame. I understand people not tolerating rudeness of course, but perhaps the atmosphere of LJ allows us to segregate ourselves a little too much. It's almost like we can disguise intolerance to the opinions of others by protesting over our LJ being our own space, and not having to hear anything that we don't want too

[irreparable.livejournal.com]

My 2c - if it's publically visible, and comment settings are such that anyone with an LJ (or anyone online) can comment, then it's open for commenting. That said, I never post here with public posts, so it doesn't really matter on this one. But my writing LJ is open and so is my graphics and meta LJs.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

That makes sense

[ladydreamer.livejournal.com]

I have no idea. Lol!

Sorry that's not helpful, but I've been reading through the answers in hopes of getting some good ideas. The only fight to really occur in my lj that I wasn't a part of happened when one of my HP friends tried to take on a friend who was an uber-liberal gay LAWYER about abortion (o.O!), and I think she was offended that I didn't stand up for her. I'll take a Chlark/Clois fight over that any day.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

So long as it doesn't involve more psycho Chloe fan comments that is lol


I think she was offended that I didn't stand up for her.

I think that's where I tend to have problems! I'm fine with defending a friend if a stranger attacks them, I can totally be all "Bitch, step off". But when it's people who are both friends of mine falling out, it just leaves me really nervous and fretting. I'm not very honourable when it comes to defending one friend from another at all I'm afraid

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

If I don't put in a disclaimer, all convo is fair game.

Where I *don't* want to get posts that annoy me, or rain on my parade, I announce that something is my "squee post". That's my call for people not to harsh my squee :D

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

That sounds fair enough :)

[fpb.livejournal.com]

My view is that I am responsible for the LJ, it is my space, and I have more than once reproached in public friends of mine who were too eager to defend views I shared - at the expense of manners and respect - against others who may not have shared them. While I will defriend people who go beyond certain limits - e.g. Jew-bashing - I want my friends and visitors to feel safe to express opinions I do not like without being mauled by overzealous allies. So far it has not been necessary to actually defriend anyone for rudeness, but I recently had to come pretty close to it in a behind-the-scenes e-mail debate with an English right-winger who could not believe I was serious in demanding that opponents be treated politely.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

My view is that I am responsible for the LJ, it is my space

I think that's probably the area where I'm standing to feel that I should take more of a stand. Not that there has been conflict in my LJ for a while now, but next time there is I shall try and take a bit more responsibility with freezing threads/putting a stop to it

[chloris.livejournal.com]

It's an interesting question that doesn't really have an answer. Each person here can tell you how they feel but that doesn't help when you're in someone else's journal having a discussion. There are very few spaces in LJ that I would consider public. Almost every post is 'owned' by someone.

I haven't had to deal with it yet, so I'm not sure how I would feel about a confrontation in one of my posts. I think it would depend on the tone of the discussion. I have noticed that a lot of comment threads tend to be like this one. Each commenter writing to the OP and none or very few talking to each other even if they know each other. There are times when I want to comment to another comment but I don't because it doesn't seem to be done.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'm not sure why that is, sometimes discussion threads within the entry do get moving, but I guess it depends on the LJ and the discussion. A lot of the times it is just the LJ owner being commented too

I think that responding to another comment in the entry should be fine though :)

[moonshayde.livejournal.com]

It's a tough question. I know that on my journal I clearly state that debate is allowed, but I won't have people insulting each other or putting the other down. It's just not necessary.

I know it's happened to me. I had people come down hard on me and I'm one of the most agreeable people you can find. I may heartily disagree with a stance, but I'm not a jerk about it. So when I feel attacked, it does sting because I try to be as respectful and open as possible. Beign respectful does not mean you have to agree 100% and I don't think many people realize that.

Like I said, it's tough. In the end, I think the LJ owener has to make the rules and then decide based on the context.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

I'd agree with that

[quiet-fractures.livejournal.com]

I don't know, I really haven't had that problem in my lj, but I think that if someones posts something and someone else doesn't agree with the comment and takes upon themsleves to argue said comment then I think they know what they could potentially be getting themselves into.

I'm okay with people debating as long as there is no name calling. I would think that people would be sensible enough to know that hey you are friends with both and they could potentially put you in a uncomfortable situation. But then again I have a small flist.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that makes sense

[sadface.livejournal.com]

Hmm, It depends on the context. If they were arguing a point that related to my post then it's cool and I don't really even care if they're civil or not. But if it's some unrelated 'WHY DID YOU IGNORE ME ON IM LAST NIGHT' thing I'd think it was kind of crazy and weird (but thinking about it, I still wouldn't do anything).

[grlmonday.livejournal.com]

Good point. It needs to stay on topic, otherwise it's disrespecting your journal (or if you're on someone's journal talking about something completely off-topic, then you're doing the disrespecting).

[grlmonday.livejournal.com]

Fandom posts, to me, are like a forum for discussion. I wouldn't consider it invasion of space if two people got into a disagreement about fandom. As long as they didn't start threatening one another and outright name-calling. Otherwise, what's the purpose of posting about fandom if someone can't disagree with you, or with each other? It just becomes a dull yes-blog with no independent thought from others, if people can't put forth varying opinions. That's my 2 cents :D

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

I'd agree with that :D

[littledrop.livejournal.com]

I don't give a flying fuck, personally, so I'm always surprised when other people dislike it or consider it "offensive". I'm like, dude, if you don't want discussion in your journal, LOCK YOUR JOURNAL UP. You can't have it both ways.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

Agreed

[ender24]

LOL, actually your question reminded me of this new com
http://community.livejournal.com/fandom_manners

not sure, if its going to take off, but if it were, it would be the perfect place to post your question *g*.


i think, its a question, that cannot be answered in a generalized manner.
too much depends on, who the people are, who are debating, and how they behave.
and even that is stretched, because interpretation of acceptable behaviour also varies.

but very very generally speaking, if its a public post, and its fannish related, then i would feel like its open game, in that manner, a public post could always be linked via friends or newsletter, and then friends and strangers will come in.
i feel its natural, that they would discuss to each in a hopefully civilized manner.