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Buffy Rewatch: Relationships
Lots of discussion about Spike and Xander led to my own rant about Xander Harris and the Bewitched Bewildered, and Bothered episode! (I would disagree though with the emphasis placed on The Pack and possessed Xander's assault of Buffy, because the structure of season 1 was very different and so I don't place all that much importance on Xander deciding to pretend that it never happened and he has no memories of it.)
I do however have a much bigger problem with Xander planning to use magic to forcibly make Cordelia love him so that he could then dump and humiliate her. Looking back now the Bewitched, Bewildered, and Bothered episode is insanely creepy, especially when Amy warns Xander how insane and desperate a love spell could make Cordelia, and he just gloats that he wants her to unable to eat or sleep or thinking of anything but him! If anything the episode presented Xander and Cordelia in a very unbalanced way as Xander mostly seems annoyed at being dismissed by Cordelia and being made fun of by her friends, she is the one who seems to feel genuinally heartbroken when we are shown the necklace of Xander's that she is secretly wearing. Xander talks to Amy more about wanting payback and to be the one to dump Cordelia, and he's even willing to shrug off the spell's failure as no biggie the second he belives that Buffy might be expressing an interest in him. IMO His primary reason for wanting Cordelia under a love spell was because of his ego
And really there was never that much justification for Xander to react in the way that he did. Okay Cordelia blurted out her wishes to break up at a Valentine's Dance in her usual tactless way, but she also says she's sorry and she didn't mean to do it this way. For high school Cordelia the break-up speech is postively nice even as she never says anything unpleasant about Xander or that her friends feel like he's not good enough, just that they are kidding themselves and that they don't fit together. And however shallow her reasons for breaking up with Xander might have been, it was still her right to break up with him for any reason she pleased!
And then the day after Amy does the spell Xander approaches Cordelia when she is surrounded by her friends, and he is clearly hoping to see her grovel and humilate herself in front of them when he asks if she has anything to say to him, so how the spell became something romantic to bring the two of them back together is just bizarre to me! And the episode doesn't just end with Cordelia having ~having learned her lesson~ by telling off all her friends and choosing Xander in front of them, it also has Buffy thanking Xander for really coming through and him joking about how it was touch and go for a minute there, even though what they're actually talking about is Xander resisting the urge to take advantage of his friend when she was under a spell. I honestly don't know what Marti was thinking with this episode. (And soo disappointing that Gabrielle didn't get to finish her feminist write-up of Buffy episodes :/
And the thing is that if that episode featured anyone but Xander and his automatic nice guy shield, surely that role would have been clearly presented as the villain and Buffy would be dismissing them as a creepy and controlling little dweeb, the way she did other characters such as the boy who got turned down for a date in The Prom and planned retribution, orWarren's plans to dominate Katrina after she ended things with him. But because it's Xander that episode just gets shrugged off at the end with Buffy thanking him for not doing anything worse, and then he actually gets rewarded with the girl. I get the feeling we're even supposed to feel sorry for him when Amy hits on him too and he realises that Buffy's interest in him is only a spell.
I wonder if the Troika from season 6 were possibly the writers attempt to finally be honest about what it really means to use magic to control a woman, the way they could never bring themselves to do with Xander? Yeah okay he never had any plans to take advantage of Cordelia's body with that spell, but he was attempting to control his ex-girlfriend's emotions in a really sick way in order to get the power back in their dynamic. For some reason the writers seemed to feel that Giles yelling at Xander about being careless with magic, and Willow being mad at him because of her crush on him, were adequate consequences for that? Cordelia's only reaction was being flattered because she believed that Xander did the love spell to win her back :/
ETA And okay LOL, the spyware on this entry is now giving me pop-ups on "find a love spell now"
Lots of discussion about Spike and Xander led to my own rant about Xander Harris and the Bewitched Bewildered, and Bothered episode! (I would disagree though with the emphasis placed on The Pack and possessed Xander's assault of Buffy, because the structure of season 1 was very different and so I don't place all that much importance on Xander deciding to pretend that it never happened and he has no memories of it.)
I do however have a much bigger problem with Xander planning to use magic to forcibly make Cordelia love him so that he could then dump and humiliate her. Looking back now the Bewitched, Bewildered, and Bothered episode is insanely creepy, especially when Amy warns Xander how insane and desperate a love spell could make Cordelia, and he just gloats that he wants her to unable to eat or sleep or thinking of anything but him! If anything the episode presented Xander and Cordelia in a very unbalanced way as Xander mostly seems annoyed at being dismissed by Cordelia and being made fun of by her friends, she is the one who seems to feel genuinally heartbroken when we are shown the necklace of Xander's that she is secretly wearing. Xander talks to Amy more about wanting payback and to be the one to dump Cordelia, and he's even willing to shrug off the spell's failure as no biggie the second he belives that Buffy might be expressing an interest in him. IMO His primary reason for wanting Cordelia under a love spell was because of his ego
And really there was never that much justification for Xander to react in the way that he did. Okay Cordelia blurted out her wishes to break up at a Valentine's Dance in her usual tactless way, but she also says she's sorry and she didn't mean to do it this way. For high school Cordelia the break-up speech is postively nice even as she never says anything unpleasant about Xander or that her friends feel like he's not good enough, just that they are kidding themselves and that they don't fit together. And however shallow her reasons for breaking up with Xander might have been, it was still her right to break up with him for any reason she pleased!
And then the day after Amy does the spell Xander approaches Cordelia when she is surrounded by her friends, and he is clearly hoping to see her grovel and humilate herself in front of them when he asks if she has anything to say to him, so how the spell became something romantic to bring the two of them back together is just bizarre to me! And the episode doesn't just end with Cordelia having ~having learned her lesson~ by telling off all her friends and choosing Xander in front of them, it also has Buffy thanking Xander for really coming through and him joking about how it was touch and go for a minute there, even though what they're actually talking about is Xander resisting the urge to take advantage of his friend when she was under a spell. I honestly don't know what Marti was thinking with this episode. (And soo disappointing that Gabrielle didn't get to finish her feminist write-up of Buffy episodes :/
And the thing is that if that episode featured anyone but Xander and his automatic nice guy shield, surely that role would have been clearly presented as the villain and Buffy would be dismissing them as a creepy and controlling little dweeb, the way she did other characters such as the boy who got turned down for a date in The Prom and planned retribution, orWarren's plans to dominate Katrina after she ended things with him. But because it's Xander that episode just gets shrugged off at the end with Buffy thanking him for not doing anything worse, and then he actually gets rewarded with the girl. I get the feeling we're even supposed to feel sorry for him when Amy hits on him too and he realises that Buffy's interest in him is only a spell.
I wonder if the Troika from season 6 were possibly the writers attempt to finally be honest about what it really means to use magic to control a woman, the way they could never bring themselves to do with Xander? Yeah okay he never had any plans to take advantage of Cordelia's body with that spell, but he was attempting to control his ex-girlfriend's emotions in a really sick way in order to get the power back in their dynamic. For some reason the writers seemed to feel that Giles yelling at Xander about being careless with magic, and Willow being mad at him because of her crush on him, were adequate consequences for that? Cordelia's only reaction was being flattered because she believed that Xander did the love spell to win her back :/
ETA And okay LOL, the spyware on this entry is now giving me pop-ups on "find a love spell now"
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(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-22 08:01 pm (UTC)I also agree that the framing was awful, because there was almost zero awareness from the text of the enormity and horrific aspects of Xander's actual actions and attitude towards Cordelia. I find it consistent and believable for his personality but it's like the show has all the wrong opinions about it.
Also, I dislike the implicit impression given by the show (as a result of the ep, and how Xander/Cordelia was written in general), that Xander's wrongdoings matter less (or aren't even wrongdoings) because they're directed at Cordelia. It's one of my biggest no-nos in storytelling--judging the severity of a crime by the identity of the victim because THIS victim is somehow "worth less" than THAT one. (Of course this is a different situation from, say, declaring that it's fine to kill Angelus because he's a serial killer whereas obviously it's wrong to kill an innocent person. I mean situations like, it's not that big a deal to take away Cordelia's free will and try to emotionally manipulate her because, IDK, she falls into the "Whore" category in Xander's Madonna Whore Complex.)
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-22 09:10 pm (UTC)And absolutely, at the time Xander and Cordelia's relationship was just something I accepted without thinking about it much, but when I recently rewatched Buffy it bothered me so much the way he spoke too and insulted Cordelia. 9 times out of 10 it was instigated by Xander as well, which wasn't something I picked up on at the time. Rather o/t but I noticed the same thing with Jesse in the pilot and how his interaction with Cordelia plays so differently to me now. At the time I just took it on face value that she was being snobby to not give him the time of day at the dance, and Joss also notes in the commentary that one scene was somewhat based on his own experiences of being rudely dismissed when he asked a girl to dance in high school. But watching it back now I was struck by just how obvious Cordelia made it in the school scenes that she had no interest in Jesse whatsoever (which again is her right, whatever we might think of the reasoning behind it). And then at the dance he interrupts her talking to her friends, she notes to them that here comes her stalker, and he asks her to dance. And somehow Cordelia is the one being framed as the villain, just because she doesn't want to dance with someone that she's already made it clear she is never going to be interested in! Watching that now, after my own experiences with guys that refuse to take a hint, I have so much more respect for Cordelia and her no bullshit ways lol. It should be the guy who can't take a hint that comes off as the bad guy, but of course all anyone mostly remembers from that scene is how mean Cordelia was to dismiss him like that
I was sooo the opposite of Cordelia in school, but she had a point too in Invisible Girl about people just friending her for her popularity or her looks. Marcie could have easily noticed the nicer girls in her class like Wllow or Amy and approached them, instead she was desperate to be part of Cordelia's crowd and constantly hanging on the edges and trying to jump into their conversations, and really is it that horrible for Cordelia not to have any time for that when she knew that she was only being targeted because she was in the popular zone, not because Marcie genuinely liked her as a person? Cordelia was definitely mean and took it too far when she targeted Willow with uncalled-for insults in the pilot, so I'm not defending every mean comment she made, but also it seemed like she would have still been stuck with the snobby bitch label anyway, unless she was willing to humour all of the hangers-on like Marcie and even Jesse, so idk maybe at a certain time she had decided to just embrace it if people were going to hate her either way
Lol sorry, this comment ended up being a little longer than I planned on :P
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-23 01:46 pm (UTC)It's an awesome post! I kind of feel bad that I don't have more to add, lol, because I agree with pretty much everything you said...the thing is, I think one of the big problems with how the show treated Cordelia was that it conflated two different things that shouldn't be conflated: Cordelia is mean to people and insults them (which she does, in some cases I think you could even see it as bullying since at several points IIRC she deliberately seeks Willow out to say hurtful things to her), therefore it is OK for Xander to treat her the way he does, therefore we should feel sympathy for Jesse instead of noticing how his behavior endorses rape culture, etc. Because that's just wrong. Xander's behavior is wrong regardless of the kind of person Cordelia is, Jesse's behavior is creepy regardless of how other people in school might mistreat him, etc.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-23 02:49 pm (UTC)Also, I don't think it ever calls into question why they like her to begin with. Yes, Cordy is mean, yet they still desire her. Other than being shallow**, the undertone is one of an ego-driven desire to tame, notable when Jesse tells Cordy to shut up as he pulls her onto the dance floor.
Xander/Cordy plays out like a pretty common fantasy. Another thing that bugged me on a recent rewatch was just how obnoxious Xander is in S2 about Angel, long after Buffy shot him down. Then later he jumps to the Told-You-So. Again, both Buffy and Cordy end up getting taught lessons...while Xander never does.
**It's always bothered me this was never commented on in the show as it kind of was in the movie. While Cordy is meant to be seen as shallow and/or materialistic when she talks about guys, Xander/Jesse are interested in Cordy because she's the Queen B and hot. Similarly Xander and Angel "fall" for Buffy without ever even talking to her.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-23 03:29 pm (UTC)And at the risk of overthinking it, I think that played a part in Cordelia not being that impressed at someone like Jesse drooling over her. A lot of shows will go with the cliche of the pretty and popular girl find herself flattered when she realises that the geeky boy she was dismissing actually has really genuine feelings for her and sees the person that she is underneath, whereas with Jesse all we were ever shown was that he was attracted to Cordelia when she was very mean to the people around her and had few layers, so all we are left to imagine is that it must have been purely about her looks... So yeah I object to the show framing Cordelia as ~the mean girl~ in that instance for not having any time for him when he asked her to dance
And we were also shown very little about why Xander fell for Cordelia, except that he found himself physically attracted when they were arguing. He was still just as dismissive and snarking at her after they began dating, i.e in Innocence when she points out that's not much they can do to help if Buffy and Angel are really in trouble, and Xander snarks back that if the vampires need grooming tips we'll give you a call. He did apologise for that remark later and to be fair he was worried at the time, but still it does beg the question that why was he with Cordelia if that's the way he still saw her deep down? He frequently belittled her interests and didn't seem to have much time for her personality, so yeah I wonder if part of the attraction was that Cordy was in love with him and became softer around him after a time (such as her smile and wrinkling her nose before they kiss in Innocence), which does tie in with part of the attraction possibly being a subconscious ego-drive desire to tame the girl who had always acted like Xander and his friends were beneath her in the past
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-23 05:03 pm (UTC)Hee thanks! And yeah I think that Xander got away with quite a lot of really nasty remarks about Cordelia, and the writers seemed to take the attitude of it didn't say anything about Xander, except that it really did. It stood out to me when he told Cordelia that you'll have your own line of hooker-wear someday (and another time he tells her that her dress makes everyone thinks that dress makes her look like a hooker) right in front of Buffy His friend Buffy who enjoyed dressing up in a more overtly sexy manner than Cordelia if anything as she went for the little skirts and boots a lot during the high school years and at one time even got blamed by Synder for wearing too short a skirt when a boy from the swimteam attempted to sexually assault her, and yet Xander never once had to stop and consider his female friends when he was slut-shaming Cordelia. But then Buffy ("vapid whore in Homecoming) and Willow ("skanky ho" in Phases) indulged in the same slut-shaming against Cordelia themselves at times :/