frelling_tralk | (no subject)

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I'm kind of over this "tone argument" tbh. I was always brought up to believe that, however angry or upset someone makes you, the way you choose to speak to them in response does matter

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I think there's confusion about there about the difference between screaming at people for making errors or being insensitive in ways they may not realise and constructively pointing out ways people can fix problematic things in posts or fics.

Right, like no one is saying that you have to hold someones hand and patiently explain things to them if it is causing you understandable frustration, but that's no excuse to swear at them, or call them names. Yet I see that happening time and tme again, and tone argument gets pulled out if someone dares take offense at being called a stupid loser or whatever else

If someone is trolling over and over then fine, or someone who refuses to take onboard what you are saying period then I understand losing your patience, but new posters who make mistakes in genuine ignorance seem to get treated in the same way, as if they are deliberately being hurtful and offensive. And at the comm I'm talking about, a new poster used the word skank in a different community, was told that it was an offensive word to use, she apologised, said she didn't realise, and wouldn't use it again. And in response she was berated by so many members for not apologising in the correct manner that she ended up leaving the comm. And I do think that half of the ~outrage is just an excuse to gang up on one person and get your special membership kudos

"And in response she was berated by so many members for not apologising in the correct manner that she ended up leaving the comm. "

Oh fuck yeah. The people that won't let others apologize drive me nuts. A little coaching may be in line in some cases, but if someone takes a conciliatory tone and you just bitch them out for falling short it really is counter productive in getting the message across. Learned helplessness and all that.

And in a comm about feminism you would think that it would matter more to be inclusive and women feel they are being given a voice, instead of many members recently admitting that they feel afraid to contribute anything in case they make a slip-up in not understanding the correct jargon to use.

In the example that frustrated me, the poster (who was only 16 no less) used the word skank in another comm, apologised when it was pointed out to her that it's a misogynistic insult, and joined

ontd_feminism to learn more. After being met with this attack in the welcome post (http://community.livejournal.com/ontd_feminism/516113.html?thread=36021521#t36021521) she ended up leaving the comm in the end. So if the ultimate goal is to drive away any woman that doesn't have a college education and is well-versed in women's studies, then job well done I guess?

I just visited that feminism comm's info page and I was disgusted. Some of the stuff there looked like bigotry to me and it seemed to me that there was a general bullshit attitude. "Feminism" of that sort isn't helping.

["After being met with this attack in the welcome post (http://community.livejournal.com/ontd_feminism/516113.html?thread=36021521#t36021521)"]

I can't see the post. Can you tell me the gist of it?

Was she given out to over ways apologizing on the feminist comm or elsewhere?

Oh they posted to say hi and they've just joined the comm, and someone immediately responded with "Hopefully you've learned why it's bad to call women skanks". And then it started this huuuuge discussion with multiple people berating her for it. I don't know why it was even brought up to be honest, because the whole thing happened in another comm completely, and she'd already said that she wouldn't be using that insult again

And sorry, I was sure that it was unlocked when I linked it. Perhaps it's been locked since

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