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I'm kind of over this "tone argument" tbh. I was always brought up to believe that, however angry or upset someone makes you, the way you choose to speak to them in response does matter

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Yeah, I know what you mean. I think there is definitely value in recognizing that complaints about tone are used as a way to dismiss minority viewpoints, but it seems as though it's become a free pass to be hostile and even sometimes downright cruel to people you disagree with. Verbally abusing someone and then claiming "tone argument!" when they call you out on it is NOT OKAY.

No one is saying you HAVE to be polite, but... it's not a bad idea to try, you know? "You catch more flies with honey" is a famous saying for a reason.

Just curious, where does this seem to come up?

I think there's confusion about there about the difference between screaming at people for making errors or being insensitive in ways they may not realise and constructively pointing out ways people can fix problematic things in posts or fics.

There's a whole range of things that are popular these days as a way of shutting down other peoles' voices, often in the guise of "but you're being ___ist!" It started as a way of educating people but I fear some bullies have latched onto it to serve their own ends.

Agreed.

I mean, I've been on the receiving end of a genuine "tone argument". After a particularly angry feminist post, a commenter derailed by bringing up how very mean I was being and how my message would be better if I were calmer. That? Textbook tone argument. (especially as the commenter was a man)

However, it often seems that people use the specter of a preemptive tone argument to justify being overtly hostile to...everybody. I understand anger in response to offense. However, there is a line between justified anger and abusiveness. Plus, it often feels like point-scoring as to who can come up with the most biting, snarky response to a person. I don't think anger should be competitive in such a fashion.

I'm not aware of the situation you are talking about there but I've had my own share of this lately on certain Smallville boards. A few weeks ago, I basically pointed out that a certain board had become hostile and unwelcoming (and frankly, this is no secret. People have been leaving this board in mass waves all year for LJ and Twitter because the environment has become downright hostile.) Anyway, I basically said in my post that I didn't think it was necessary to be so nasty to people and I had several bitchy responses that my comment was "off-topic." And you know...maybe it was. But it had to be said. I was so tired of having to tip toe around the fact that people were being nasty on that board. There's a reason why so many posters have abandoned the board in recent months. And I found it kind of hilarious that people were sniping at me about being "off-topic" because I dared to call attention to the behavior. It's like it's ok to act horrible to people but if someone dares to call you on that behavior then you are accused of starting trouble. It's maddening.

What's this about?

I posted on a forum once where people were allowed to freely be aggressive as they chose and it wasn't pleasant (ie things got fucking vicious). Human beings without restraint are not very likable.

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