Yeah I remember early interviews where Joss seemed to see Xander as a role model for the males in the audience and that really bothers me.
Reading that his real goal was to create a male role model bothered me because once again, it's all about the guys really, not the women; but also - WHO THE HELL IS HE TALKING ABOUT? I don't hate Xander but I do take him to task for his shit, if that makes sense. (OTOH he's probably a big reason I have no desire to go back and do S1-3 rewatches.)
He never stops slut-shaming Buffy until after Selfless when she finally confronts him and The Lie is exposed. But he still whines about Anya and how she ripped out his heart (huh?) to Andrew.
Basically Xander slut shames and is possessive and judgemental towards the three women he is sexually attracted to, regardless of actual relationship status: Buffy, Cordy and Anya. Willow never comes in for that same behavior from him because she's "one of the guys", which allows him to also overlook her in S1-2.
But this is part of the reason why Grave bothers me (among a whole host of reasons); Xander's "unconditional love" for Willow has NEVER been in doubt, even if he wasn't "in love" with her. He's never been abusive to her, just neglectful. the worst overt action that he's probably done to Willow (that I recall) is harming her relationship with Buffy with The Lie. Anya is the one who deserve to hear this from him, or even Buffy, not Willow. They are the ones he's wronged that season (and earlier).
this in a season where Riley comes back as the paragon of mental health to whom Buffy apologizes, and Giles comes sweeping in to save the day full of power borrowed from a coven of women? And Buffy only has to realize that she needs to focus on taking care of Dawnie and get over herself? Just NO to any of that.
You already know how I feel about Riley getting away with shit that is egregiously wrong, so it's interesting that Xander identifies with Riley, and they both get away with a lot of awful shit - he likes Riley as an idealized version of himself, the Soldier, as a guy friend who he can pal around with; Xander is constantly whining about the lack of male friends in his life while doing nothing about it. I think part of his speech to Buffy is also because he wants her to keep him around for himself (He's obviously not putting her own needs first, because that doesn't occur to him.)
he never had any plans to take advantage of Cordelia's body with that spell
Not as a stated intent, but I'm not comfortable guessing how he actually would behave if he got the intended results. the situation is comparable with Willow in TR. Willow's intent had nothing to do with Tara's body, "just" her mind; she just wanted to stop the arguing. Xander's relationship with Cordy has been very much proto-Spuffy, snark and avowals of hatred followed by spontaneous sex in the janitors' closet. there's no telling what would actually happen once Cordy "fell in love" with him all over again.
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Reading that his real goal was to create a male role model bothered me because once again, it's all about the guys really, not the women; but also - WHO THE HELL IS HE TALKING ABOUT? I don't hate Xander but I do take him to task for his shit, if that makes sense. (OTOH he's probably a big reason I have no desire to go back and do S1-3 rewatches.)
He never stops slut-shaming Buffy until after Selfless when she finally confronts him and The Lie is exposed. But he still whines about Anya and how she ripped out his heart (huh?) to Andrew.
Basically Xander slut shames and is possessive and judgemental towards the three women he is sexually attracted to, regardless of actual relationship status: Buffy, Cordy and Anya. Willow never comes in for that same behavior from him because she's "one of the guys", which allows him to also overlook her in S1-2.
But this is part of the reason why Grave bothers me (among a whole host of reasons); Xander's "unconditional love" for Willow has NEVER been in doubt, even if he wasn't "in love" with her. He's never been abusive to her, just neglectful. the worst overt action that he's probably done to Willow (that I recall) is harming her relationship with Buffy with The Lie. Anya is the one who deserve to hear this from him, or even Buffy, not Willow. They are the ones he's wronged that season (and earlier).
this in a season where Riley comes back as the paragon of mental health to whom Buffy apologizes, and Giles comes sweeping in to save the day full of power borrowed from a coven of women? And Buffy only has to realize that she needs to focus on taking care of Dawnie and get over herself? Just NO to any of that.
You already know how I feel about Riley getting away with shit that is egregiously wrong, so it's interesting that Xander identifies with Riley, and they both get away with a lot of awful shit - he likes Riley as an idealized version of himself, the Soldier, as a guy friend who he can pal around with; Xander is constantly whining about the lack of male friends in his life while doing nothing about it. I think part of his speech to Buffy is also because he wants her to keep him around for himself (He's obviously not putting her own needs first, because that doesn't occur to him.)
he never had any plans to take advantage of Cordelia's body with that spell
Not as a stated intent, but I'm not comfortable guessing how he actually would behave if he got the intended results. the situation is comparable with Willow in TR. Willow's intent had nothing to do with Tara's body, "just" her mind; she just wanted to stop the arguing. Xander's relationship with Cordy has been very much proto-Spuffy, snark and avowals of hatred followed by spontaneous sex in the janitors' closet. there's no telling what would actually happen once Cordy "fell in love" with him all over again.