I agree with everything you said about Xander. Especially the part where he only cared because of his ego.
I also agree that the framing was awful, because there was almost zero awareness from the text of the enormity and horrific aspects of Xander's actual actions and attitude towards Cordelia. I find it consistent and believable for his personality but it's like the show has all the wrong opinions about it.
Also, I dislike the implicit impression given by the show (as a result of the ep, and how Xander/Cordelia was written in general), that Xander's wrongdoings matter less (or aren't even wrongdoings) because they're directed at Cordelia. It's one of my biggest no-nos in storytelling--judging the severity of a crime by the identity of the victim because THIS victim is somehow "worth less" than THAT one. (Of course this is a different situation from, say, declaring that it's fine to kill Angelus because he's a serial killer whereas obviously it's wrong to kill an innocent person. I mean situations like, it's not that big a deal to take away Cordelia's free will and try to emotionally manipulate her because, IDK, she falls into the "Whore" category in Xander's Madonna Whore Complex.)
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I also agree that the framing was awful, because there was almost zero awareness from the text of the enormity and horrific aspects of Xander's actual actions and attitude towards Cordelia. I find it consistent and believable for his personality but it's like the show has all the wrong opinions about it.
Also, I dislike the implicit impression given by the show (as a result of the ep, and how Xander/Cordelia was written in general), that Xander's wrongdoings matter less (or aren't even wrongdoings) because they're directed at Cordelia. It's one of my biggest no-nos in storytelling--judging the severity of a crime by the identity of the victim because THIS victim is somehow "worth less" than THAT one. (Of course this is a different situation from, say, declaring that it's fine to kill Angelus because he's a serial killer whereas obviously it's wrong to kill an innocent person. I mean situations like, it's not that big a deal to take away Cordelia's free will and try to emotionally manipulate her because, IDK, she falls into the "Whore" category in Xander's Madonna Whore Complex.)