That's what makes characters the most infuriating to me, when the writers seem unaware of the flaws that they're consistently writing for them. It used to drive me crazy with the way that Xander would constantly patronise Anya, yet the only time the show ever called him on it was in DMP when it seemed more like it was used for Halfrek to come across as stirring shit up as a vd, instead of genuinely having a point that it's kind of gross for Xander to be constantly correcting his fiance in public

I think the only character he had purely good friendship scenes with IMO was Willow, because he had no ax to grind when he would give her advise about Oz in WAH or when he comforted her over losing Tara and trying to destory the world. But most of his big moments with Buffy generally seemed to consist more of lecturing her for not living up to the pedestal that he had her on. And anyway Buffy and Willow seemed to be closer friends in the end and would generally turn to one another for support, so again I can't really think of all that many scenes of Xander being the heart of the group and the one that everyone would supposedly turn too