Yeah, I know what you mean. I think there is definitely value in recognizing that complaints about tone are used as a way to dismiss minority viewpoints, but it seems as though it's become a free pass to be hostile and even sometimes downright cruel to people you disagree with. Verbally abusing someone and then claiming "tone argument!" when they call you out on it is NOT OKAY.

No one is saying you HAVE to be polite, but... it's not a bad idea to try, you know? "You catch more flies with honey" is a famous saying for a reason.